I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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