I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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