I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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