I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
