We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
