I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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