Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
