We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize