Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
