He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
