All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
