think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
