you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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