a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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