K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
