Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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