God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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