he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
