I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
