Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
