probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
