Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
