hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
