dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
