I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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