I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
