My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
