Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
