remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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