end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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