she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
