Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize