You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
