Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
