He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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