Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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