she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
