I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
