at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
