She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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