dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
