what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
