Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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