woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
