In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it glows. i had to have it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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