I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
