She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need moral support for this bender
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
