Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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