Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My ass is underappreciated
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize