Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
