i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
