this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
