I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
