I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
false alarm, still single
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
