Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
