Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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