Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
