if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
