I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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