Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
