Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
