If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize