From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
