Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
