Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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