paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
