update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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