My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
