It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
