God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
