The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
