just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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