he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
