Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
