who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
